Neither of my children won the college roommate lottery. My son’s roommate had body odor and slept through his loud alarm every morning. My daughter had two difficult roommates in a space that was designed for two, not three people. For one thing, they had no respect for the fact that my daughter sometimes liked to sleep at night. They would regularly have friends in the room to 3:00 am and constantly spoke to each other in Korean. I won’t even get into the roommate in graduate school who left perishable food in the pantry for weeks at a time.
Having a roommate, it turns out, is the biggest fear for students heading off to college. 83% of rising college freshmen sited it as the thing that stresses them the most when thinking about college. It’s not the fear of being homesick or of the weather or learning their way around campus, it’s living with a stranger. Although there are questionnaires and ways to meet potential suitemates on social media, there is still a risk involved. It’s even a gamble to room with someone you know!
There is a prompt in the Stanford admissions application asking applicants to write a letter to their future roommate. I’ve always enjoyed reading the responses which include things like what kind of music they want to have blaring while they study and what posters will be on the wall. One person a few years back, hoped her future roommate liked cookies because this applicant liked to bake as a stress reducer. Before heading off to college, give some thought about what your roommate should know about you.
Here are some tips to cohabitating in a freshman dorm.
Set Boundaries
Both of my children would have been wise to have said something early on rather than feel they just had to put up with it. You can set expectations in a friendly manner by talking about it before it’s an annoyance. Plan to go to dinner or grab coffee together so that the atmosphere is relaxed. Also, it should be a two-way conversation so that they can set some of their important boundaries as well. Make sure, however, that your delivery is direct so that your roommate(s) are clear on your expectations.
Limit Your “Requirements
While being clear about what you can’t tolerate, it is important to think about what is essential to your mental and physical health and plan on being flexible about everything else. It’s not a good look to have a long list of rules. Think back to preschool when you learned how to share and take turns. These skills will serve you well in your college dorm room.
Look for Things You Have in Common
Rather than focusing on the negative, find your commonalities. My roommate and I had the same major, so we took classes and studied together. Maybe both (all) of you enjoy running or working out or maybe you all like Thai food. There is sure to be common ground if you look for it, and it could be the start of a great friendship.
Creative Solutions and Personal Growth
Lastly, most annoying behaviors from roommates have solutions if you just get a little creative. If you and your roommate have different tastes in music, then try taking turns. Maybe you will develop an appreciation for a genre that you hadn’t had before. If the food they heat up in the microwave smells gross, ask them about it and make a plan to try each other’s favorite foods. In fact, there is probably a lot you can learn from that stranger in the other bed. Think of these challenges as opportunities and embrace the fact that this is, in fact, an intregal part of your college education.